GOALS: Wallace (3), Westall, Adcock, Williams (3), Rogers, New (2), Garcia ASSISTS: Westall, (2), Rogers, Adcock, Wallace (3), Tauro, Higginson (2), New (2) MAN OF THE MATCH: Williams 2S GO 2 FOR 2 WITH KNOCKOUT PERFORMANCE AT LACEY GREEN
Anyone worried about Kell Brook’s bruised ego this weekend might spare a thought for the collective psyche of D&C Athletic, who gamely endured a 12-0 thrashing at the hands of AFC Didsbury’s second team in the ECSFL 3rd Division this Sunday.
In fact, throwing in the towel halfway through with a broken eye socket might have been an attractive prospect to the Wilmslow side, had they been given the opportunity.
Cheshire council are to be applauded for their part in the victory, by virtue of excellent grounds-keeping (I was warned about the presence of a significant portion of dog faeces up the wing by the opposition left midfielder, in a commendable display of sportsmanship). The tall grass had the ball running slower than a James Leighton 1-2 combination, and the Limes used this to their advantage, pressing hard and forcing error after error.
The 2s squad much-changed from the previous week’s 2-0 opener against Torpedo Grove, some might have been unsure what to expect. Not so defender BJ Westall, who casually prophesised a 30-yard worldy in the warm-up, a promise he promptly delivered on, 5 minutes after throwing an excellent ball in the path of Wallace, who headed in to open the scoring. Soon after, the left-back took the ball from defence and curled what he maintains was a legitimate attempt on goal into the top corner. Beautiful stuff. Enjoy the champagne.
Eager to capitalise on D&C’s sluggish start, the Limes gained a foothold early in the game, with a nutmeg from Adcock and a composed finish from Stu Williams. The half finished 6-0 after Didsbury favourite Wayne Rogers ‘megged the keeper again, followed by another from Williams, who was on fine form.
One can only imagine the team-talk on the other side of the pitch, in which several expletives were presumably levelLed at the poor D&C stopper, who did not return for the 2nd half.
In the Didsbury camp, Dan ‘Scouse Mourinho’ Connolly warned against complacency, issuing the target of a 12-0 victory. Sure enough, after a pep talk from their corner, the D&C lads came out swinging in the 2nd half. A tough 10 minutes followed, and Garcia was deployed in midfield to slow down the pace and dictate play.
Luckily, it is true what they say; Gaz New always comes twice.
After a dogged pursuit down the right wing, full-back Simpson found last week’s MOTM with a cross-field ball that he converted. Some alleged that the D&C ‘keeper, newly substituted on to preserve the mental health of his colleague, slapped it into his own net for an OG. Alas, the jury is out on whether this reporter gets his first competitive assist, but the fines committee has already rightly passed judgement on New for celebrating as though it was an FA Cup winner.
2 minutes later, New slipped another one in behind the ‘keeper for his 3rd in 2 games. Top form from the power cube.
Didsbury’s haymaker was a spell in which the formidable Wallace scored 2 more, sealing his first hat-trick of the season, and Garcia bagged himself a well-earned tap in at the 6 yard box. The D&C side had shown plenty of chin, but they were now looking dead on their feet.
Just as Connolly was beginning to think it was perfect, and worrying about how he’d issue a ‘thanks for coming’ fine, Jack ‘The Stiff’ Adcock rose well in acres of space, 3 yards from the goal, to head a sublime cross from Wallace – miles over the bar. The forward limped off hurt soon after, in what may have been a ploy to prevent further embarrassment. With 2 assists and a goal in 2, he probably won’t be dwelling on it for too long.
Shortly after, James ‘Bullingdon’ Plowright, who had been a menace all day up the left flank, found himself in a gentlemanly disagreement with the corpulent D&C forward, who had elbowed him in the chops. Plow issued what he later explained was an ‘upper class insult’, calmly informing his imposing adversary that another similar infraction would earn him a red card and a summary fine delivered by the appropriate agent. Needless to say, this encounter was a chilling experience for the striker, who, impressively, stayed invisible for the remainder of the match.
The rout concluded with Williams securing a thoroughly deserved hat-trick and Connolly’s dozen safely in the books.
The Limes are yet to concede a goal in the East Cheshire Sunday Football League, and this performance made it clear why. Wallace and Williams were simply unplayable in the centre of the pitch and came away with 6 goals and 3 assists between them, and 2 of each for New. Special mentions are in order for Johnston, Westall and Rogers, who were invariably rock solid at centre-half, Tauro, who raised hell on the right wing earning himself an assist, and Higginson with 2 assists on his competitive debut. With little to do, he mostly spent the afternoon working on his tan, but youngster Nath Carr played the ball out well from the goal, showing great composure and excellent decision making.
Sorry D&C. If it means anything, you showed bags of character and seemed like nice blokes. Somebody get those poor goalkeepers a drink.
Words by Jack Simpson
AFC Didsbury accepts no liability for the content of this match report, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided, unless that information is subsequently confirmed in writing. If you are not the intended audience you are notified that disclosing, copying, distributing or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibited.