AFC Didsbury 6
GOALS: M Darlington (3), Menghini (2), L Darlington, Whiteley
ASSISTS: L Darlington (2), M Darlington (2), Vasko, Kennedy
MAN OF THE MATCH: M Darlington
Didsbury waaaaaaaaaay to Sixy for MVFC
Sunday mornings are mint. You leap out of bed like a kid at Christmas excited by a thoroughly enjoyable game of football, except it's not Christmas, you're balding a bit, have breath like a dog’s anus, and an erection. Weather your Gaz Lee taking of your silk nightcap, sliding on your smoking jacket, and wandering downstairs with a candle; Lloyd Darlington unhooking your feet after another night of sleeping upside down or Gareth New waking up and thumping his girlfriend in the ear just to assert some masculinity, we all wake up with a joyous excitement in our heart. We get to play football today for AFC Didsbury.
Captain, Colin McDonald, fresh after 3 months in rehabilitation strolled onto the pitch chest out like he'd never lost a war, beautifully shaven (face and manscape) scent of an angel but tackling of a devil.....anyway he put the net up with Pete Kilgour (remember that) and took the Didsbury masses on the warm-up.
The message was clear for Didsbury, earn the right to play. Didsbury started bright and put their opponents under pressure from the first whistle
The Kraylington twins were working together like lamb and tuna fish, brother Lloyd winning the ball and feeding it to his beach volleyball catalogue throwback brother Matty, no need for anymore commentary. 1-0, that’s just what happens. Sometimes he doesn’t even shoot and he scores. The gene pool in that family must be reminiscent of a James Bond poolside scene.
Didsbury’s players were taking it in turns to shine, each player having its own part in the scene of Simon Playing Field reminiscent to an award winning play, next up at centre stage was Gods DJ Ross Mangina, dancing through the MVFC defence like Michael Flatley in Riverdance, but Rossi was playing his own much cooler tune and after some neat interchange with Matty D, pirouetted through and slotted to make it 2-0.
Like any play there were bad guys, the ugly sisters up front for MVFC were not getting a sniff and were reduced to wild long range efforts that were so easy that 1st choice keeper James Leighton could have saved them with one arm occupied with a selfie stick singing a song he barely knows and recording it on snapchat. Handsome Rogue McDonald and his warrior backline, were rarely troubled.
The Kraylington twins, like the cast of Sex and the City, didn’t like to share the limelight, so they decided to score a thoroughly good goal. And they did. And it was great. Brother Lloyd storming down the right to cut it back to Brother Matty and it was 2 for the day for him and 3-0 to Didsbury. We all high fived. Ross Menghini buoyed on by the scene played out in front of him decided it was leading man time again and scored arguably the best goal of the day. It's worth pointing out at this stage its best NOT to argue as you will probably get fined for having an opinion.
The ball was won by Fans player of the year Wayne Rogers who chipped a ball over the top to the left wing, "yes mate" he must of thought as the ball then proceeded to go tikka takka through the MVFC defence and after awe inspiring 2 touch football, the ball was floated over the top and first time volleyed into the back of the net. 4-0 game over. The MVFC players knew it and starting playing the game in a unfair manner and started calling the Didsbury players really horrible nasty names and pushing them and just being plain mean, Didsbury with 8 barristers, 4 physiologists and an ex child actor on their books knew it was purely due to the MVFC players frustration and was a direct result of their confidence tumbling like a man on a bike in Chrolton.
Second half, 4-0 down, work in the morning, what's the last thing you want to see, Pavol Vasko. Vasko entered the fray and decided to steal some of the limelight. Being fouled by Pavol is like when a puppy shits on your bed, you get angry with it, but after you look at it for a few seconds you can't help but forgive it. The MVFC players didn’t think that and kicked f*ck out of him. Vasko was creating chances and pulling the strings, winning free kicks which ultimately led to the 5th. Our favourite Russian was skived down and the ball was duly played across the back four until it reached the left wing where Vasko shimmied his way and brushed it into the box for the oncoming Brother Matty to complete his hattrick. Everything he was touching that day turned into Goals and he bagged himself a man of the match (RIP Stuart Braggs).
At 5-0 it was time to make the changes and visions of a Frey Bentos advert were not far from people’s thoughts as Tom Bear Whiteley made his long awaited return from injury to the roar of the 3 spectators looking like a 40 year old man in a large boy’s top. However fines punk Kenners was on call to provide Tom Bear with the last laugh. The twinkle toed funny man being brought down in the box to the cries of "ahhhh fine for that defender" to award Didsbury a penalty. Whiteley despatched the penalty and it was 6-0.
The game petered out and much like the weeks to follow, Didsbury saw out the game to cling on for a narrow 6-0 win.
Words by Colin McDonald.
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