AFC Didsbury 2
Goals: New (2)
Assists: McDonald, Menghini
Man of the Match: New
Didsbury's 5 Minute Meltdown
Sunday morning had arrived and spirits were high despite only managing to name a make shift 12 players in the match day squad. The changing rooms were booming with resident house tunes blaring and more shapes were being thrown than can be seen on the walls of Gaz Lee's classroom.
Didsbury's injury list had never been longer on a match day, even highlander Matthew Harrison's season was somehow dealt a premature kiss of death despite his skeletal structure being more dense than an Adamantium alloy. Lloyd Darlington was also a last minute drop out, whether this was due to injury or that he was standing in as a stunt double for Jason Statham in the Transporter 4 DVD extra footage scenes, it is still unconfirmed.
Barely 10 minutes had passed before Jonathan Mackie's game was short lived as he seemed to collide with one of the tumbleweeds he unleahed during the pre-match warm up. Bailey's?? Ice Cream?? What the **** are you talking about Mackie!? This resulted in Adam Musson - the latest member to fall victime to the domino effect club marriage proposals - to be called upon to take up his preferred role of centre midfield.
Didsbury's Number 1, Wayne Rogers, who's goalkeeping position had been under pressure from his lifelong rival, double-act sidekick and close friend Mike Stiff in recent weeks, was out to prove a point. And prove a point he did. Barely 20 minutes were on the clock and he'd already clawed away what seemed a certain goal off the line, stopped at point blank range and palmed at least 2 efforts onto the woodwork. The Didsbury goal was being penetrated harder than of victim of one of Stiff's degradation sessions but the defence stood firm.
Colin McDonald captaining the side like a general leading his troops into battle, donned his head band, squeezed into his purple leotard and complimented by the purchasing power of his entrepreneurial empire, Globogym, was not prepared to sit back. His moment came on the half hour mark where he met an aerial ball with a herculean header, launching the ball deep into the Hulme half. The chase was on as the Hulme defence started back-peddling, while their keeper gambled with a 'hold triangle' charge. New, who at 11.30 on a Sunday morning would normally find himself stalking the touchline in the warmth of his much loved puffer jacket, suddenly found himself baring down on goals. The ball sat up perfectly to be lob volleyed 25 yards from goal into the corner of the net. 1-0.
Didsbury held on and took the lead into the half-time break. Fortunately, Mackie was out of earshout during the half time team talk, the prospect of him cracking another one of his atmosphere crippling joks could have left the team in disarray for the next 45 minutes, while they tried to figure out what the hell he was on about.
The second half began in a similar fashion to the first with Hulme in all-out attack mode, however, Didsbury continued to absorb the pressure and stand firm.
20 minutes remained and Ciaran Bermigham slotted the ball to Menghini who's hawk like vision allowed him to arrow an excelletn pass behing the Hulme defence for New to chase. Two touches were taken before he peered to the box in search of a team mate. Unable to spot a Didsbury shirt, New recalled a technique Roberto Carlos once used when taking a free-kick against Fabien Barthez. The Hulme keeper clearly unaware that someone in the MASFL could possess such ability came rushing out expecting a cross, only to leave himself completely mugged off by the banana shaped trajectory taken by the ball after leaving the outside of New's left boot. 2-0 and in the words of Mike Corbett, un-fu*****-believable.
5 minutes now remained and Didsbury still lead 2-0 with 3 points seeming an abslolute certainty. Hulme pulled back a goal from a corner, which despite going out of play before reaching the box was never going to be ruled out. This was followed by another 2 goals in quick succession after breaks down the Hulme left flank. Face palms all round from the Didsbury team as the match finished 3-2 to Hulme. F***.
In brighter news, the club will be tightening their strangle hold on theri resident village after securing the sponsorship of Urban Grille for at least the next 3 seasons. Ambitious manager, Musson, always conscious to remain one step ahead will be busy aligning the team objectives in the off season to coincide with 5 year plan. This now includes appearing on a Thursday night Question Time debate as leader of the AFC Didsbury political party, beating the X Factor winner to Christmas Number 1 with an AFC Didsbury version of Band Aid and extraditing infidel Mike Hay and his motorised buggy back to his homeland when his country finally achieve independence.
Word by Gareth New
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