Name: Matt Harrison
 
AKA: @mattyhazza, memph
 
Position: Missionary
 
Number: 10
 
Wants to play like: Zlatan

Actually plays like: Emile (someone has to
do it now Quaye has gone)

Previous Clubs: Bransty Strikers, Bransty Rangers, Workington Reds Reserves, Jesus-Waffle-Bike, Brescia Bearcats, University of Manchester, Didsbury Dynamos.
 
Best performance: Soldier Tom, lead role in 'The Tinderbox', Year 6, Bransty Primary School
 
Worst performance: Probably first attempted shag on mates bathroom floor. it was high-pressure sitch and I was fairly unsure of exactly what to do
 
Career Highlight: I literally got coached by Giggsy, Ole and GNev at Carrington

This is me and Ry. I'm touching him in the hope that greatness rubs off. Thats
not a euphamism.

This is me and Ole. Can you believe I'm almost half his age? He is so youthful.

Aims for the season: Being a forward, I suppose I should try and get my goal tally above 1
 
Trademark Skill: Flick-ons, make sure your gambling in behind
 
Life Quote:
"Train insane or remain the same"
 
Football Quote: 
"First I went left, he did too. Then I went right, and he did too. Then I went left again, and he went to buy a hot dog.”
Zlatan on how to shake off Stephan Henchoz
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xKWYyldfeLc
 
Lifelong Ambition: To only work 6 months of the year, but get paid as though I've worked 12
 
Sponsored by: Pele
 
Best Looking: arse: Pav, abs: Pav, face: definantely not Pav (probably Kieran Mac)
 
Hardest: Jimmy Leights or Whiteley. No coincidence that they are both salesmen. 

Most likely to: Take the warm up
 
Most skilful teammate: Mike 'the unassuming darleck' Corbs
 
Want to see on the team sheet: Corbs, takes on a lot of goal scoring responsibility and means I can concentrate on my 'trademark skill'
 
Favourite Fixture: MUSC, always tough, you earn anything you get from those games
 
Undervalued/Overvalued: Post-game showers/Andy Carroll
 
What the manager thinks: 

- Matty Harrison once kicked a horse in the chin, its decendants are known today as giraffes
- Matty Harrison's list of fears:

...
 
What Jimmy thinks: "Its an absolute pleasure and not to mention an honour to have worked with Matt on the training ground. He makes me wish I could go back and do it all again" *

*accuracy unconfirmed