Name: Oliver Quaye
AKA: Ollie/Token/Great Man/Duane
Number: Whatever is left
Wants to play like: Emile Heskey
Actually plays like: Emile Heskey - job done!
Previous Clubs: Maths FC, Bessingby Park Rangers
Best performance: Vs. Davyhulme (only so we can show that clip again) 2 assists and would have been more if Spraggs wasn’t the walking dead from the night before
Worst performance: vs MUSC in the cup: came off the bench, got booked and had a penalty saved
Career Highlight: Perfect hat trick against the team with the ginger goalkeeper in our first pre season tournament
Aims for the season: To have a WAG to bring to the xmas do so I’m not forced to try it on with any team mates’ WAG’s a la John Terry.
Trademark Skill: Kick the ball and sprint after it… push over anyone that gets in my way
"It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am."
"The great fallacy is that the game is first and last about winning. It’s nothing of the kind. The game is about glory. It’s about doing things in style, with a flourish, about going out and beating the other lot, not waiting for them to die of boredom." -Danny Blanchflower
Lifelong Ambition: We urgently need a team masseuse… and I am happy to oversee the recruitment
Sponsored by: Chicken King Fallowfield - http://chickenkingonline.co.uk/
Best Looking: The squad is not exactly blessed with good looks but the majority have ‘great personalities’ to compensate. I guess if I had to choose it would probably be Pavol, he’s got that international heir of mystery surrounding him. And it’s 2012 after all…
Hardest: Aside from myself I wouldn’t tangle with Pete Cowley… I've heard primary school teachers can be pretty handy in a fight
Most likely to: Get booked for dissent even though I don't tolerate it when I referee!
Most skilful teammate: Jaffers hands down- textbook trapping of a beautiful woman. Matty came a close second… I salute you both
Want to see on the team sheet: Tom Spraggs- you haven’t lived until you play up front with a man still stinking of 5th ave and vomit from the night before
Favourite Fixture: The two Maths derbies. One ending in defeat (that meant nothing) and the other in a glorious cup final victory. #respectyourelders
Undervalued/Overvalued: Can you put a value on humour?
What the manager thinks: “We need Ollie in the team to meet diversity targets. Also, if he is playing or training with us, our girlfriends are relatively safe.”
What Jimmy thinks: Jimmy thinks my name is Mike. That’s the nicest thing any coach has ever said about me…